No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

There have been quite a number of funny little things that have occurred over the past week. However, I had an extremely bizarre/insane experience last night which trumped all others. I will share the other funnies later, but wanted to get this particular one down while it was still fresh in my mind.

So, last night my friend, Becky, and I decided to go see the late night showing of Changeling. The movie started at 9:15pm and I had no idea that it was going to be so long. I was shocked when the movie ended at 11:45pm. Singapore becomes a ghost town around 11, so I didn't want Becky or I to go to our cars alone. We both got in my car and I drove her over to hers. We chatted for a couple of seconds and then I headed home. 

When I pulled into my apartment building, there was taxi which had just dropped someone off (again, very unusual for the time of night) at my building. The driver seemed quite upset and tore out of the parking lot while I was walking to the elevator. I got up to my floor and started walking to my apartment. As I turned the corner, I came upon my next door neighbor on the verge of passing out on her door step. She was kind of moaning/crying and was sprawled out on the floor (I am talking exposed underwear and a boob hanging out). I walked over to her, put down my purse and sweater, and asked if she was okay. She started crying and kept saying things like, "I don't know what to do. I am so embarrassed." 

I kept asking her if anyone was home or if she needed me to call someone. She produced a sort of happy moan when I mentioned calling someone, so I went into her purse to find her phone. While sorting through her bag I found her house keys. I decided it best to get her inside rather than calling anyone. I opened the door, slid her purse inside, and then had to put both my arms around her to pull her up. We successfully got her to her feet, but then I had the task of getting her to a bedroom...which meant stairs. Like a foot solider in Vietnam, I put her arm over my shoulders and put my other arm around her waist. We slowly and awkwardly made our way down her marble the stairs, all while I was praying that we would not go tumbling down. After hoisting her onto a bed, I was stuck as to what to do next; I did not want to leave her alone for fear she would throw up and suffocate. 

I made a few attempts to leave the room to retrieve my purse outside or see if someone else was home, but every time I tried to leave she would burst into tears and call out my name. After about five minutes and a number of confessions (she had thrown up in the cab and she wasn't a good mother) I finally got her to tell me that her boyfriend was be home. I crept up the darkened stairs and began to hear snores emanating from the blackness. 

The next few seconds had to be some of the more embarrassing ones of my life; calling out to a sleeping man, whom I hardly know, in his bed room, in the middle of the night. Honestly, my biggest concern was that he slept in the nude and I was going to get way more than I bargained for when he came out of the room. My other dilemma was what to say to him when he woke up. "Um hi. Your girl friend is a sloppy drunk and I found her passed out in front of your apartment." Actually, what I said wasn't too much different (I did leave out the "sloppy drunk" part though. I substituted it with something a little more PC like, "bad shape"). Once I got Simon out of his darkened cave, I said goodbye to my neighbor, who was officially passed out at this point. I ran outside, grabbed my purse, and instinctively opened it.

MY WALLET WAS GONE!!!!!

As mentioned, no one is out after 11pm over here. I could not figure out who on earth was out at this hour, but chose our apartment building and our exact floor to stake out. I instantly started shaking and ran downstairs to look in my car to see if it had fallen out in the back seat. My search yielded no results. I went back to my neighbors' and asked if they had seen my wallet in the apartment. Nope. 

I ran home and began to frantically call all my credit card companies to inform them that my wallet had been stolen. My favorite part was when Visa tried to sell me on some promotion while I was canceling my card. I finally cut the guy off and reminded him that my wallet was STOLEN and I had other phone calls I needed to place. I also placed a call to the Singapore police to inform them of what had happened. They asked me at least three times if I knew who might have taken my wallet. At that point my best guess would have been a ghost. They told me that I should come down to the police station to file a report. I told them I was too tired to drive anywhere and I was doubtful they would be able to do anything constructive. The police told me to call if I had anymore information and that they had a case number for me. They asked if I had a paper and pen. I told them I did, and this is what followed:

Police Man: Alright, your case number is E (pause) 9 (pause).

Me: Okay, E...9.... okay what's next

Police man: That's it.

Me: E9? (Two things: did I really need a pen? and could they have thrown in a few zeros to make it sound more official?)

Once I had finished canceling all my credit cards and talking to the police, I decided to take one last look around the car. I went downstairs and crawled under, around and in the car. No wallet. I slowly made my way back to the elevator resolved to the fact I had been robbed. When I stepped through the elevators doors I was greeted by a man's voice. (Yes, I was the only person in the elevator). I looked up and answered, "Yes?"

Random Voice: Hello Ma'am. Are you missing a wallet?

Me: Ummm, yes.

Random Voice: Come to the security shed.

At this point I guessed that they had been contacted by the police and wanted to know what had happened. I drove over to the shed and walked up. When I approached the two security guards, one raised his hand and in it was my wallet. What the freak!? I was so overcome with fatigue and gratitude I hardly heard what was next. Something about how they had seen the drunk lady come home, one guard went to check on her, saw my things outside and was worried something would happen to them. Although I was extremely annoyed that they told me they had my wallet AFTER I cancelled my cards, I was still grateful to have my wallet back.

However, by the time I woke up this morning I was officially ticked off. What the heck was the freaking security guard doing going through my purse!? The current theory is that he saw my drunk neighbor go upstairs and headed over here thinking she would be incapacitated. He saw my wallet, thought it was hers, and took it thinking that she would not remember anything (which she didn't when I went to see her this afternoon). 

At this point the story gets rather long and tedious. I called the police to tell them that the wallet was returned, but had been taken by a security guard at our complex. The police wound up at my apartment, followed by the security guard (who was still on duty) who told a blatant lie which made no sense. He said he was doing his nightly rounds and my wallet was just laying outside my neighbors' door. Singapore works on the honor system, so the entire thing was eventually written off as a big "misunderstanding" both by the police and the apartment management. So, note to all the potential thieves in Singapore: just come up with a good story (one that makes sense is optional) and no investigation will be conducted.  

I have to say, at least no one was hurt and now I have a huge adrenaline rush every time I drive by the guard shed because they all know I called the police on one of their own (even tough I didn't know it was one of their own at the time) and I am sure they all hate me. Super fun!!!!